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Question: I started a new job in August, and for the most part I really like it here. The thing is, I report to someone who yells when he's under pressure (which is most of the time). He's not being abusive or insulting, he's just extremely emotional and loud.
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I'm not used to this, and it leaves me dumbstruck. I can't concentrate well enough to answer intelligently when someone is hollering at me. The only other person who reports to this manager, and who has been here a long time, responds by saying, \me when you've calmed down and we'll talk,\and then leaves the room. I don't quite have the nerve to do that, and I don't want to yell back, so can you suggest some other ways to handle this?
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Answer: It seems your colleague is on to something. In any negotiation -- and make no mistake, this situation qualifies as one -- the person who is ready to walk away, even if only for the moment, holds most of the power. \can do is fight emotion with emotion by yelling back at someone who's yelling at you,\. Cohen. %unemotional one has far more leverage.\»Ø´ð£ºÄãµÄͬÊÂËƺõÕÆÎÕÁ˾÷ÇÏ¡£ÔÚÈκÎ̸ÅÐÖСª¡ªÃ»´í£¬ÕâÖÖÇé¿öÒ²ÊÇ̸ÅеÄÒ»ÖÖ¡ª¡ªËæʱ¿ÉÒÔÀ뿪µÄÒ»·½ÎÕÓÐ×î´óµÄÖ÷¶¯È¨£¬¼´Ê¹Ö»ÊǶÌÔݵÄÀ뿪¡£Ë¹µÙ·Ò-¿Æ¶÷˵£º¡°ÓÐÈ˶ÔÄãºð½Ðʱ£¬Ð§¹û×î²îµÄÓ¦¶Ô·½·¨±ãÊÇÒÔÑÀ»¹ÑÀ£¬ÓôóÉù½Ðº°À´»¹»÷¡£Èç¹ûÒ»·½ÇéÐ÷¼¤¶¯£¬¶øÁíÒ»·½Äܱ£³ÖÀä¾²£¬ÄÇôÀä¾²µÄÒ»·½¾ÍÕÆÎÕÁ˸ü¶àÓÅÊÆ¡£¡±¶ø¼¼ÇÉÔÚÓÚÈçºÎÀûÓÃÕâÖÖÓÅÊÆ¡£ Cohen is president of a consulting firm called The Negotiating Skills Company and author of a new book, The Practical Negotiator: How to Argue Your Point, Plead Your Case, and Prevail in Any Situation. He notes that, while some people use yelling as a deliberate strategy to intimidate others, your boss sounds more like \¿Æ¶÷ÊÇ×Éѯ¹«Ë¾Ì¸Åм¼Çɹ«Ë¾µÄ×ܲ㬲¢ÖøÓÐÒ»±¾ÐÂÊ顶ʵÓÃ̸Åм¼ÇÉ¡·¡£Ëû±íʾ£¬ÓеÄÈË»á¹ÊÒâÓôóÉù½Ðº°×÷ΪÍþÏÅËûÈ˵IJßÂÔ£¬¶øÄãµÄÉÏ˾ÌýÆðÀ´Ëƺõ¡°ÒѾʧ¿Ø£¬ÐèÒªºÃºÃѧϰÈçºÎÓ¦¶ÔѹÁ¦¡£¡±
\behavior at work. But it's not your job to be his therapist\-- so, if you're ever tempted to go there, don't.
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Instead, Cohen recommends you try one or more of these tactics: Ïà·´£¬¿Æ¶÷½¨ÒéÄã³¢ÊÔÒ»ÏÂÏÂÃæµÄ²ßÂÔ£º
1. Say nothing. 1. ±£³Ö³ÁĬ¡£
\there with a poker face or a quizzical expression, in absolute silence, is sometimes a good way to communicate that what someone just said -- or, in this case, how loudly he said it -- is offensive to you,\out of steam and stops shouting before you continue the discussion.
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2. Calmly explain why his yelling bothers you. 2. ƽ¾²µØ½âÊÍËûµÄ½Ðº°ÎªÊ²Ã´ÁîÄã·³ÄÕ¡£
If you feel you have to speak, you could say something like, \at me like this, it's very hard for me to concentrate. I feel as if we're really not communicating.\There's an outside chance that pointing out the problem will embarrass him into lowering his voice, but even if not, having expressed what you're thinking will make you feel less like a deer in his headlights.
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3. Talk very softly. 3. ÇáÉù˵»°¡£
An approach that Cohen has often seen work is to \he says. \little louder.\whatever is stressing him out and shifts his attention to the content of the discussion, where it belongs; and, second, the glaring contrast between your voice and his might cause him to talk to you more quietly.
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4. Restate what he's yelling about. 4. ÖØÐÂÐðÊö¶Ô·½´óÉù½Ðº°µÄÄÚÈÝ¡£
Sometimes yellers calm down when it's clear you've understood the point they're trying to make, Cohen says. So try repeating back to him what he just shouted, but in your own words: \¡.\
you can get past your gut reaction to being yelled at and listen to the substance of what your boss is saying, he may be revealing important information,\If so, showing that you've heard it might help reduce the volume.
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5. Prepare a solution ahead of time. 5. ÌáÇ°×¼±¸½â¾ö·½°¸¡£
If you know in advance that something has happened that's likely to set him off, \go into a meeting unprepared. Come up with some ideas about how to address whatever the issue is -- ideally, some creative, surprising ones,\\surprise often throws a yeller off-kilter and makes him stop and consider an approach that may not have occurred to him.\Again, when you present these, speak softly. After a while, he may take the hint.
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two months, you'll become as blas¨¦ about the noise as your more seasoned colleague is. \this is just the way this person reacts to stress, and it doesn't mean anything, why let it bother you?\he says. \yourself that losing control and shouting at people detracts from his professional credibility, not yours.\
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